tell your sister to shave her snatch
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
