shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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