I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
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