we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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