At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
