he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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