Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled if crying burns calories
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize