that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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