We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
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I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
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I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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