Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize