I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
