Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize