dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
