People with herpes should wear stickers.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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