Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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