ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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