Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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