good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
This house was built for laser tag.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
