yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
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Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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