Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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