i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
