I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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