I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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