The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I faked an abortion last night.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
