You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
