i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
