Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Randomize
