Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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