By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
