i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
