My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
