at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
