she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
did i walk over a car last night?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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