This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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