the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
you had me at cake vodka
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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