Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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