Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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