I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
