youre lurking in front of me
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
this is an emotional support booty call
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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