You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
