Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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