I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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