In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
