Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
