glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
