My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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