member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
