You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
