My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
