My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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