soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I wish you could order shots online.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
