apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
