and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
