I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
