Im at strip club and am horny
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
