It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
