Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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