There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
